Abby's journal



September 25, 2018


Steve is suffering from exhaustion, from having worked too intensely to complete a project having to do with his past-life published writings. So he is trying to regain his health before he begins a new job in a bakery--the kind of job one would might take as a matter of course in one's 20's, but which may be a physical challenge in one's 60's.

Whatever else it may have been by way of an opportunity for service to others, the eldercare job Steve has been doing for the past six months was clearly a chance to even up some old karmic obligations. But we won't go into that, now.

Steve has been reading aloud to me from the teachings of our Guru. If most philosophy is like beer or wine, this is like a liquor. It is best taken in sips. But it is, as Steve remarks to me, uncompromising as to releasing all selfish desires, and desiring only union with God. And Steve says, "Where is my relationship with my soul-mate, in that?"

We struggled with this when we were Mathew and Abby in the 19th century, too. Mathew had the tendency to gravitate toward Stoicism; whereas I was inculcated with the love of heaven. I had Steve channel it that way, because it was what I was taught, which he hadn't realized so much, before. Attaining the state of heaven is not the same as God-Realization, or Union; while Stoicism is not, properly-speaking, the same thing as spiritual renunciation. Our Guru's teaching dispatches these errors--which it takes lifetimes to grow through and figure out--in a paragraph or two. Sometimes in a sentence or two. Steve says that each paragraph in this book contains a life-lesson that might take a person a few hundred years to resolve.

But what of this issue which still confronts us, today? We have tried abandoning each other for God, or at least that's what we thought we were doing. I mean, in long-ago past lives, and even more recently. I let myself go, at death, turning my back on everyone to reach heaven. And after my death, Mathew tried mightily to sing my praises for it, in poetry! Because he twisted his heart to believe in what I believed in, for my sake. But I had it wrong. I got here, and no sooner was I here, than I realized my place was by the side of my soul-mate.

Steve, on the other hand, in a lifetime (at least one that he's aware of), abandoned me to become a wandering ascetic, because that was what you were supposed to do if you were serious about attaining God. But that was a cruel, serious karma, which had long-reaching effects. It set up a vibration of leaving, or being separated, and longing for each other across impossible distances--the emotional "impact crater" of that decision was so vast, that it kept resurfacing in countless variations of circumstances. Only now are we healing it for the last time, by joining hands across the Great Divide, regardless of what ANYONE says. Because this error was made by listening to bad advice--therefore, it must be undone by ignoring bad advice. You see how it works.

But this is what I wanted to explain. When a relationship proceeds over centuries, being a true soul-mate relationship, these two people start out with a great deal that is circumstantial, seemingly being important. Looks, youth, position in life, health, and all of that. But as their hearts approach the center of the Universal Heart, these things fall away. They no-longer carry their importance--because secure in the in-most heart, they love each other whether they are young or old, beautiful or externally unattractive; rich or poor; celebrated or reviled. All the things that "come and go" are no-longer central to the relationship, they are peripheral now--they are "icing on the cake." They cycle in, and they cycle out. Now we are young and he is handsome, or she is beautiful; now we are old, and we wonder at what we see in the mirror; but our love is the same. Now we have physical bodies, and can see each other and hold each other physically; now, one of us is in the astral realm, and we have to learn how to make contact the best we can; then again, both of us are in the astral realm, and we fly free like birds together, in joy! And then, we are children, or young adults, and find each other--the first touch of hands, the first shy or passionate kiss. And then one or the other is sick, and must be tended lovingly. It all cycles to and away, circling around us, but never touching our hearts, which are lodged in the Great Heart.

Likewise, eternity--we share peak moments of eternity together--as when we walked down an empty tree-lined street in the fall, talking of high philosophy, soon after we were married, in 1836. Steve walked down a similar tree-lined street outside his apartment in Portland, last night. He was aware of that previous time, and talked to me about it--he had full faith I was there with him, again. And, why? Because that moment lives forever in eternity. Since it lives in eternity, we approach it again, and again, and again. We just have to be awake enough to recognize it as it passes. Someday we will achieve it permanently.

Steve feels a wrap-up is necessary... Were I writing this, I might not feel the need of one, but then again, expectation is such that were I incarnate, I might. Soul-mates grow closer and closer, snuggling, if you will, into the Universal Heart, until there is no need for separation. Separation is in outward appearance, only, for them. They are forever together, in the core of Existence, in the Heart.

So what of eschewing everything in the world for God? They do that, together, because they are as one person. That's the simple answer. It is one of the many paths to God, the soul-mate path. It is not so much known, now, although there was an attempt to revive an awareness of it in Victorian times. Queen Victoria and her Albert were soul-mates. Soul-mates aren't perfect--generally, they are still learning to navigate that path. But the gist of it is that you present yourselves to God, as a team. This is why our Guru would sometimes give soul-mate couples joined names, like "Fredella" for Fred and Ella Winterfeldt. He knew, and privately recognized the soul-mate path, though he saw fit not to teach it in this era.

There are few things that are more pleasurable to me, than to be read aloud to by Steve. Read what you both cherished the most to your beloved in heaven--favorite poems, stories. Steve is also reading to me the French version of Aesop's Fables, which I once used in my curriculum, to try to teach Mathew French. He translated the French verse into English verse, under my tutelage. Steve surmises that after I died, that same year, he gave his "homework" to a friend who, editing them, had them published. It is the 1843 edition Steve is reading from to me, aloud (the first was published two years earlier, in 1841), and it is great fun! If only he could see me there with him, listening... As it is, he has to mostly go on faith, which makes it a little less real and enjoyable for him. He does it because he believes I am there, and he is given to understand, shall we say, that I enjoy it very much. So he does it to make me happy, on the chance that it is real. That is a beautiful thing in itself, that he will risk making a fool of himself, reading aloud in a seemingly empty room, on the chance that it will make me happy. And that gesture is as beautiful as the reading, itself, you see.

So when you love, you can use your creativity to find ways to make your beloved one happy--to express your love. Even across the Great Divide, unseen and unproved, love can still conquer. In this way, we say, love has the victory (the true meaning of a "Victorian")--while even death itself must step aside.

Love to each and all,