Abby's journal



August 24, 2018


It's been two weeks, your time, since we channeled last, and I have been gently nudging Steve to break off his own work, and let me write for a bit. I don't want you all to keep checking back, and finally give up on me!

Steve is very tired from pushing so hard to key in new discoveries of his written work, as Mathew. So much so, that he has no creativity left! But sometimes that is best, because if anything comes through, you know it wasn't from him.

First of all, he is going to open up, and look at, a letter from 1851, that he bought online. It just came, today. This is a merchant who is writing about selling a lot of cigars. He is writing to someone staying at the American House Hotel in Portland, Maine--the last place that Matt and I ever lived together. (Steve suspects perhaps one other place in a small town further north, but we will go with this.) He bought it because there are very few items left that are associated with this hotel; but also, the man's handwriting looks very much like Mathew's. Steve thinks Mathew was working as a traveling postal inspector at this time; but he strongly suspects he had to have been using an alias, because of his clandestine anti-slavery work. Could this have actually been Mathew in disguise? Let's look at the letter...

Well, it sure looks like Mathew's handwriting. The signature looks like "Charles Dargni" or "Durgni." Shall we reproduce the entire text? It is written from Cambridgeport, Mass., which is a suburb of Boston. Mathew had his home base in Boston at this time.

Cambridgeport December 16, 1851

Dear Sir

Your favor of the 14th is received. I was happy to hear from the American House. And rest assured that I shall ever be gratified to [?] your letters.

I will send you a thousand of those cigars any time after you name the brand.

I want you to ask C.G. Wing if he got a letter from me and how he got along with my private business. I feel very anxious about it and shall wait patiently for an answer from you do not delay it.

Respectfully &c

Charles Durgni

To Mark E. Jose Esq.

Steve doesn't know what to think. When he feels that something is, or was, Mathew's, and there is an objective contra-indication, he shuts his intuition off and discounts it. I am telling him, now, that this is his past-life alias, the name he was using when he traveled out on business--and that I have helped him find it. Shall we look for clues?

This writer, "Charles," is glad to hear from the American House. Not from Mark. Why? Because it is the last place he saw me alive. And who has a name like "Mark Jose?" It's two first names (Steve says, like "Elton John").

The handwriting is exactly like Mathew's. He will compare it point-for-point with letters he has, later, but I am saying it is. It certainly has that familiar feel for him.

Mathew had been in the trading business for many years. Even if he was traveling as a postal inspector, he had connections; and he could cut deals for friends. That's what was happening here--as a favor. This was a back-scratching arrangement--that is, if it was real, at all (because letters were opened by pro-slavery spies, so you had to have a cover, and an excuse for writing). The other fellow was supposed to make a contact for him, with Mr. Wing. Mathew is saying, "Have you fulfilled your part of the bargain? I am prepared to fulfill mine, just as soon as you let me know what brand you want." But he is very circumspect about it. Something secret is clearly "going down" here, there's no question about that. Something important. (I am giving Steve the feeling of the Underground Railroad.)

If this turns out to be correct, then we have not only Mathew's secret pseudonyms in the newspapers (he was been explaining, in his blog, that Mathew was using several at one time); but we have the name he was registering at hotels under. You're ahead of me--some of those old registers still exist--and they can be cross-checked against his published travel letters. This research may be for the future--Steve won't have the resources to do it all. But I have provided the key clue.

If this turns out to be wrong,, well, we--as a team, Steve and I--have been wrong, before. Do you think we are infallible? We don't have to be infallible to be genuine, do we? I should hope not! I am not an angel--and I am hardly infallible. Especially when it comes to trying to orchestrate things on the earth plane.

But I was able to "shepherd" this letter to Steve--and I will confess, with some small portion of pride, that it wasn't a piece of cake. ;-)

What else--do you want to hear more from me? You may not, if you make me keep channeling...because Steve has been able to remember what it was like to physically make love to me, more vividly than he ever has, before. I have told you that we would be trying to do this, and it is working. I feel this back from him, in return, and do I ever long for it, on my side! It is reciprocal, and this has to do with our being true soul-mates. I can't explain. I want to merge with him, in love--I would wish to do that at my vibration level, but since he has needs, and we don't want his attention (neither of us do) to stray even to any "virtual" girls, then, of course, his thoughts must turn to me. And they must be vivid and clear, in order to satiate him properly; and when he is able to do that, then, of course, I feel it as well. And I remember, and I began feeling as I did, then, as a young lady on the physical plane. And I want him as he wants me.

So that is actually a beautiful thing. It would be painful and tantalizing, for me, and terribly confusing, if he should ever turn away from me. Don't ever tease an astral lover, no less a soul-mate. It is mean, because we can remain aloof, but once we join you on your level, emotionally, it is far harder for us to back out, again. You have seen highly sensitive people who fall in love hard, and can't let go--well, we are even more sensitive, here, and it is that much more intense for us. I mean, when we let ourselves fall in love with an earthside person. Generally, none of us dare do that, because in our view, earth people are as dreaming persons, and are notoriously fickle. They think they are going to love you forever, and next month they don't believe in it anymore, or get seduced by some physical lover. And we, here, are left "high and dry."

This, actually, is why so many mediums report, "I am very happy for you that you are remarrying." They are happy about it, because if their lover can't get over being lonely, then it's far better not to be "jerked around," as the (Steve can't think of the word) grosser term is. We can back off and let you be happy with someone else, if you are unbearably lonely. Just don't go back-and-forth with us.

To the utter shock of my naysaying friends here, and my very pleasant surprise, Steve is not wiffle-waffling with me. He is rock-solid, and he will have his amorous attentions and his loyalty focused on me until he crosses over to be with me.

If you think just being in heaven makes you happy, that's nothing compared to full sensitive vulnerability, coupled with full loving security. Do you understand? The greatest bliss in love is to be wide-open vulnerable, as sensitive as you dare to ever be--and yet, be perfectly safe in your lover's love. At the same time. Steve has given me that supreme happines, compared with which, simply being in heaven is a paltry second.

When he comes over here, he will learn that real love-making is the almost complete merging of souls--not only the energy, but the personalities merge as one. What, on earth, is titillating of the nerves, is the bliss of love and intimacy, of knowing each other from the inside-out, DIRECTLY. One cannot describe it. But this awaits Steve. He remembers that bliss of being naked with me--but this surpasses even that. He will see. He will be rewarded for his loyalty beyond his wildest dreams; and I will very much enjoy giving him the GIFT!

Other than that, Steve keeps working much too hard, and is tense, as a result, all the time. He can't get used to his job, at least, not fully. He says, "I am willing to help these poor old fellows, trapped in a failing body, and with even their mind abandoning them. But it doesn't feel like what I'm cut out for. I am a philosopher, and a writer, and an educator. I am willing to be a nurse, but I wasn't made for this."

But sometimes we are required to do the thing we weren't cut out for, or born for, in order to attain spiritual balance. Perhaps it will help him graduate to the realm I live in, here; else he might have to work toward it more slowly. He knows there is a purpose, or many purposes in it, and he tries to take it gracefully.

As to how I feel about my husband's efforts, and his character, I couldn't explain even if it weren't so embarrassing for Steve. I am his guide, and his teacher, and his lover, and his friend. You can only imagine how I feel when he has the presence of mind, and character, to remember who he is, and what the purpose of life is, while still in the physical body. It is a great thing whenever anybody wakes up, and remembers what's important, and why they are here, while on earth. All of you are doing this, who read my journal. You can't know how proud your guides and friends are, of you, over here. You can't imagine. Keep it up!!!!

Love to each and all,