April 10, 2017


Steve has been writing this entry in his head for the last 10 minutes or so, while making his lunch. Is it him writing it, or is he catching a bombardment of my thoughts? Primarily the latter. We are mentally connected; and once I make that connection strongly, for channeling purposes, there is nothing to stop my thoughts from spilling over. Usually, I leave him alone to his lunch while he either works, or watches a video to relax. But this afternoon he wants to channel, so I am in!

Do you like research? I mean, solving mysteries? I do, when I am helping Steve. Because it is too easy, here, but when you are married to someone on the earth-side, and you are partners with them, then it is difficult for them; and this gives me the opportunity have both the joy of helping him, and the fun of helping him solve something almost as if I were subject to the restrictions of the earth. Because as far as overcoming difficulties is concerned, this, where I am, is like playing a game where you have all the cheats. Earth is the place where you can play a game in earnest, you see, where you are limited enough to make it a challenge. So I get to participate in that, with him, when I help him research.

Here is the trail that led us to what I want to share with you. I "nudged" things so that an old newspaper we once contributed to, when we had been married about a year, showed up on Ebay. That was my doing, too--both that it showed up there, and that he noticed it. I nudged it, and I nudged him, you see, to notice it. In that newspaper, we found things we had written, together. I told you about it. We signed as "Kappa, Lambda & Mu." I was Kappa, the Japanese river sprite! (Steve has named his new Kia Soul, "Kappa.")

But in this same newspaper, Steve noticed that the editor was selling books on the side. Some of them looked like books Mathew would have been into at the time; but then, a separate ad had a listing of several music books! And Steve knows I was musical, and played the piano, and used to sing to him, and with him. So he began to feel that maybe he, as Mathew, used to freelance for this editor selling books; and maybe I had contributed this list of song books.

One of them, we already had, and I have shared some of those songs with you. But there were a few other books listed, and Steve got the idea to see if we couldn't buy one of those other books. We found one, called "Kingsley's Social Choir." You do know that instead of watching television or playing music, in my day people would get together around the fire and sing music. Most people knew at least the rudiments, and some were quite good. I would sing to Mathew out of this book; and I am giving him to understand, that I taught him to sing the second part and we sang, together.

Steve knows what I want to say, here, but is not quite sure how to go about it. Blurt it out, Steve! Just go ahead...I was deeply and sincerely spiritual, but my spirituality was a bit escapist, meaning, I wanted to return to heaven. I was psychic, and I had a feeling I might not live long. So I had my bags packed. I couldn't tell Matt that, but I would gravitate to songs which expressed that theme, and it made him understandably nervous! He tried to like them and appreciate them with me, but part of him wanted to tell me, "Don't think like that!" After I died, he could hardly bear to hear them. It has not been until we have gotten back together again, in this lifetime, that this wound and this confusion has been healed.

Because even though I sort of committed suicide in a "spiritual" manner, the classic Victorian practice of "letting oneself go," still, I did leave before my time. And the soul-mate who has been left this way, is left in a pool of confusion. Especially when it was couched in spirituality, you see. Because Matt tried very hard to believe in my spirituality as I had taught it to him, but he felt abandoned. I knew it the instant I crossed over, but it was too late to do anything about it, then.

So, Steve was pretty sure there would be songs in this book that we had sung together--and he was keeping an eye out for any of them that especially struck him as "our songs." He found one, today. Actually he had found it earlier, and felt drawn to it a little bit; but sometimes this feeling has to dawn on him in stages. That's what happened with this song. Today, he knew it was one of ours. This is called "The May Fly," and it is a "Glee" by John Wall Callcott. The lyrics go, "Poor insect, poor insect, what a little day, what a little day of sunny bliss is thine."

May flys, you probably know, live just long enough, as adults, to mate and deposit eggs. I lived long enough to find my soul-mate, and to live five years with him, before returning to heaven. But it was no heaven without him.

Have you heard of people being miserable in heaven? Love, one finds, true love that is, is a million times more powerful than heaven. One wishes the happiness of one's beloved--what does one care about one's own happiness? I am telling Steve, don't stretch this out with more words.

Well, the cat is yowling, Steve is trying to finish his lunch before it grows cold, and I am really done, here. I wanted to share this, something intimate from our life together in 1837. We would provide a sample of the music, but none is found online, and Steve hasn't learned it, yet. We have given you a snapshot of it, if you are musical. Otherwise, we will try to provide a little bit of it in another entry.

Once, a long, long time ago, Steve abandoned me for God--or that's what he thought he was doing. I, also, tried to believe in what he believed in, for his sake, but it stung terribly and struck my heart deeply. I had forgotten it, but the wound was so terrible, that centuries later, I did the same thing, to him, in a different way. Soul-mates have hurt each other like this down through the ages. It is a part of the soul-mate relationship that is not talked about. The couple needs to heal these things before they cause them more trouble, you see. We will never leave each other again, not even for God or heaven, or anything else we think is laudable. We are done with that. Not for other people, either. Nor for different ideologies. Our Guru told me, when we first got together this time, "This fellow will never betray you." It went deep, deep to a core fear, and healed it once and for all. You will see--he has not left me this last wonderful, adventurous seven years together--and he will never leave me. He will be ready to receive me when I come for him, when he passes, and I will take him home.

The May Flies may have a day, but we have eternity. :-).

Oh. Steve says I must share this with you. Mathew loved to make puns. Steve knew, immediately, when he saw this title the second time, that as Mathew, he had made a joke about it--"Glee, the May Fly"* (like "Sam, the farmer"--or "Kappa, the Kia.") ;-)

My love to each and all,

*Matt said that the reason he was called "Glee, the May Fly" was because he was about to have the time of his life!